Posted on August 27, 2018
I found myself imagining the Israelites as they stepped between the raging waters as shared in Exodus. Exodus 14:29 tells us that “the Israelites walked through the sea on dry ground, with walls of water on both sides.” I imagine it was amazing to see but quite unnerving to participate in. They had no clue when the waters would fall. In those moments, walking between the waters of the Dead Sea they were at their most vulnerable and had only their trust in God to see them through to the other side.
Isn’t that what happens to us the in the middle? When we are in the middle of suffering and no matter which side we look are walls that seem to want to crash down on us we are forced to allow Jesus into our vulnerability and trust that He has our lives in His hands. In the middle isn’t always pretty. In the middle can be messy. It can be difficult. It can be beautiful or it can be devastating. It can be painful or joyous. The middle is where the meat of life is found. It is where everything is at stake. It is where we are formed and made for more in His glory. It is also where we find ourselves at the peak of our vulnerability.
At the peak of our vulnerability Jesus wants to meet us and get us through to the other side and when we get there, if we have trusted in Him, we find that it is better than we ever could have imagined. Right now I am at the peak of my own vulnerability. We are in the middle of our adoption journey and I find each moment of the day comes with different emotions. I am trying to hear God’s voice but the waves of doubt, fear and uncertainty are roaring on either side of me and I am in the middle: vulnerable and scared. The need is so great for families that it has overwhelmed my empathetic soul.
Today, I looked around and found myself angry and frustrated. Pushed over the edge by the words of another so much that I wanted to give up but then I heard God say “Be Still”. As I sat I was taken to Exodus and the splitting of the waters. I was reminded that the minute they stepped into the middle they were vulnerable but their trust in God was greater. I have to trust. I stepped into the middle and now I must trust the process. I must trust that the waters will not crash down. I cannot give them a voice louder than God’s. I have to stand, in the middle, and zone out the waves to allow God’s voice to be heard trusting that moving forward will bring something so beautiful that I never could have imagined how wonderful it will be.
If you are in the middle, trust God. He is leading you toward a future that will go beyond anything you can imagine!
Posted on July 3, 2018
I love this photo. This woman looks content and happy. She looks relaxed and strong. Her photograph is a gentle reminder of how I should feel, at all times, on this inside because of the strength I have in Jesus Christ. Philippians 4:13 says ” I can do ALL things through Him who strengthens me”. ALL THINGS.
The great things about Jesus is this: He gives inner strength and a confident peace. It is in HIs sufficiency that I am self-sufficient. Without Him there is no “self” sufficiency. This was a freedom bomb dropped my lap this morning as I prayed over my life: you can let go of your “self” sufficiency and relax because it isn’t “you” who empowers and strengthens, it is Jesus. Let that soak in. I had to allow it to wash over me like a cool ocean wave on a hot summer day. Pure freedom. I can relax because Jesus has my strength. I can be content because Jesus brings peace. I can make it through anything because Jesus empowers me. I don’t need to do anything other than to release my idea of my own self-sufficiency, recognize my weakness and sin and accept the salvation of God’s sweet, free and undeserved grace in Jesus Christ. When I do that, I find Jesus residing in my heart with HIS strength that is made perfect in my weakness.
When life gives me trials, when raising my children becomes difficult, when my marriage is struggling, when my finances are less than desirable, when I feel overwhelmed, I can be like the woman in this photo: happy, relaxed, strong and confident in my Jesus. Confident in His strength. Confident in knowing I will make it through because He make me who I am. He is my strength, my peace, and my power and He constantly lives within me.
The beauty of this is not lost on me today as we meet this week to discuss our possible adoptive placement. We have an opportunity to place with a sweet boy with a beautiful smile and a heart that is severely wounded. His needs will be plenty. His healing will take time. We will need patience and guidance. There will be struggles as we help him navigate through a permanent transition into our home, yet, this morning all those struggles do not seem insurmountable. In Christ we can provide his every need. In Christ he will overcome and his wounds will heal. In Christ every need will be met.
Our adventure is about to begin, and as I enter the gate of our new journey, I feel confident in Jesus. That is ALL I need.
Posted on June 12, 2018
The fruits of the Spirit have always gained my attention. I know that if I can have those fruits in my life that I will be living in the Spirit and therefore living my best life. Easier said than done. The devil knows the exact moment that you ask for those fruits and does his best to derail any effort you are making to allow the Spirit to fill you with a certain fruit. The past few days I have been focused on forbearance. This particular fruit has evaded me daily and I truly wanted to understand and allow the Spirit to fill me with it and the devil has put my teenager front and center to derail me each day.
As I write this I have just finished another confrontation with her. She walked into my room to tell me good morning and saw me studying my Bible. She excused herself and five minutes later I can hear her voice right outside my bedroom door that leads to the patio. I assume she is talking to her sister or someone on the phone because she is being terribly loud. This is the second day that she has been very loud as I am trying to study the Word of God making it difficult to concentrate. Yesterday I failed. I had no forbearance whatsoever. I tried, I promise I did, but I wasn’t living in the Spirit. I entered the room on my own strengths, or shall I say weakness, and initially politely asked her to stop. She kept going. I tried to be nice. She kept going. BAM. I yelled at her. Not so forbearing.
This morning, as I studied, I realized what I had done wrong yesterday. I had tried on my own without inviting the Spirit to overcome my weakness. This morning, as the frustration welled up inside the deepest depths of my soul at the teenager outside my door, I stopped before I walked through the door. I learned this morning that forbearance is patience. It is mercy. It is a gentle and tolerant way of handling aggravating situations, including rude teenagers. Proverbs 25:15 had been brought to my attention ” By forbearance is a ruler persuaded and a soft tongue breaks the bone”. Before I opened that door I prayed:
Lord God in Heaven, cause my tongue to be soft. Cover my anger and frustration with your mercy and patience. Don’t let me speak, let your Holy Spirit speak for me.
Then I opened the door. There sat my teen with a book and my dog. There was no one outside with her. She deemed it necessary to take a book right outside my door and read it out loud to the dog. Not just out loud…but LOUD! Never in my life have I been more thankful for the Holy Spirit than I was at that moment. My weakness would have reacted in a very negative way. I would have yelled, because if I am being honest, that was the most annoying and aggravating thing I have experienced this week so far. I would have ranted and gave an hour long lecture on the respect of space and my time with the Lord. I would have made it a point to make a point, but not the Spirit.
I stood in the doorway and asked gently, “what are you doing? who are you talking to?” She responded that she was reading the book out loud to the dog as if there was no problem with that at all. My response, or rather the Spirits, was ” You know I am in my room studying my Bible. You are being loud and causing me to not be able to concentrate or even pray. That is not acceptable. I am going to need you to come inside and read quietly, to yourself, on the couch.” That was it. It was simple. It was gentle. It was merciful and above all, it was spiritual. It was ALL the Spirit.
Bones do not break easily and neither do teens. They are in a struggle with their parents for control. Yelling and lecturing have not served our situation well but a soft tongue can handle even the most difficult teen.
As I sat to finish my study and pray I realized the lesson I had just received from the Lord:
In order to have the fruit of forbearance I must ask and allow the Spirit to soften my speech and increase my patience always remembering that the outcome of this is that I will automatically call on Him before approaching any situation with my teen, or anything else for that matter, and mercy and patience will be the response. Today I was shown just how easy that can be if I stop, pray and then move forward!!
Category: Christian Living Tagged: adoption, brokenness, Christian growth, Christian Living, christian meditation, faith, faithfulness, forbearance, foster care, foster children, fostering, fruit of the spirit, grace, life decisions, mercy, moving forward, patience, patient parenting, tough decisions, trusting God, waiting patiently
Posted on June 10, 2018
I have been overly stressed about our adoption lately. It might be because we are at the end of the process and are about to open. Maybe it is my impatience getting to me at the end of a long process. I’ve been through this process twice in 2 years: once in MS and now here in AR. It is taxing and so very difficult. Especially when you get where I am now. We have inquired about several kiddos. We are open to whomever God puts in our home but in my chaos I have struggled in my prayer and began depending on myself and came close to sidelining ( at least I hope it isn’t) a placement that we have been praying on for 7 months now. Such a lesson in staying close to Jesus, especially in times of great transition like we are going through. This morning I panicked and thought “How will we choose? what if we are chosen for more than one child?” I prayed. I spent quiet time with the Lord and this afternoon He answered.
He gave me a gentle reminder that the best thing I can do is follow the example of Jesus when He made decisions. Before selecting his 12 disciples Jesus “went out to the mountain to pray and all night He continued in prayer with God.” ( Luke 6:12 ) I may not be selecting disciples but I am making a lifelong decision that will change the life of a child and my entire family. It is important that who we choose is in line with God’s will for our family. I want the child that enters our home to be chosen by God so I want to be led in this decision. Jesus knew that He had to step away from the chaos and find a quiet place where He could hear God, where He could come to Him in prayer and petition His guidance.
I need to do the same.
I cannot make right choices in the middle of loud chaos that keeps circling me like a tornado waiting to tear everything apart in just a few seconds so this evening I will retreat. I don’t have a mountain to go to but I do have a nice quiet bedroom that is separate from the rest of the house. Just as Jesus did, I will retreat and I will pray. I will pray all night. I will pray until I hear God tell me to take a break. I will pray. I will listen. I want more than anything for this to be God’s choice because His choices are always good. I know when the choice was His that there will be strength, redemption and love in all that comes in our future together.
No matter what decision you are facing, learn a lesson from Jesus and retreat to hear God guide your way. His way is never wrong. It may be tough, but it is what He has called you to do. It will have good moments and challenging moments, but all moments will be blessed with His presence.
And in it all…..God is so very good.
Category: adoption, Christian Living Tagged: adoption, brokenness, Christian growth, Christian Living, christian meditation, christian yogi, faith, faithfulness, foster adoption, foster care, let god lead, life decisions, meditation, moving forward, tough decisions, trusting God, waiting patiently, warrior
Posted on June 7, 2018
Today I came across this amazing quote and it resonated deeply within me that THIS is where lives change. When light is introduced in the darkness, when love is introduced over fear, lives change. Mine did the day I let the light of Jesus Christ into my life. My darkness slowly faded because the light overcame it. My past forgiven and dissipating in importance. My heart that had stopped growing in the darkness had been broken in a million pieces, but suddenly it began to heal and grow love. Once the light is introduced, love comes naturally. This is how my life changed, and this is how the lives of adopted children change.
Children in foster care come from a lot of darkness. It manifests itself in different ways but most always in behavior. Their hearts are broken. Some are shattered. The life they deserved to have was taken from them. They didn’t ask to be where they are, but here they stand: broken, hurt and in the dark. They are scared. They are angry. The teens have been here a while and they don’t see a way out. Their hearts have hardened and in this darkness they know nothing other than survival.
But light overcomes the darkness because darkness is simply the absence of light. Adoptive parents are beacons of light in a dark world. Teens need that beacon just as much as I needed Jesus Christ at 30 years old. Yes, they have been in the dark longer. Yes, their hearts are much harder than younger children but I have not ever met a heart that the light of Jesus Christ couldn’t soften.
Many fear adopting teens, especially teen boys, but the truth is fear is a liar. Fear is darkness trying to keep darkness around a little bit longer. Fear seeks to continue hardening a heart and if fear can win in your life, there is one more teen that will continue to live in darkness. When that happens, fear wins. Don’t let fear win. Be the light.
If you choose to the a beacon of light for a teen in foster care you have chosen to love. You have chosen the Gospel. You have chosen Jesus. Yes, there will be difficult times. That teen is struggling to see your light. They are afraid this won’t last. They are acting out of fear and survival. Continue to be the light. Continue to be love. You have overcome your fears, now they need to overcome theirs. Pray them through it. Let God show you where you are needed in that teens life. Continue to be the light.
Light will overcome darkness and love will overcome fear. Their fear. Your fear. Then, before you even realize it, Jesus will have healed a broken heart and you will see it begin to grow in His light. How beautiful it is to see that growth. Like a lotus flower blooming after making its way through the muck, through the dark and straight into the light!!!
But first: you must open the door and let that teen in!!!
I am looking forward to our adoption of a teen boy. I cannot wait to see the growth season. It will be mucky for a little bit, but I know the growth season will come. That will be a glorious day!!!!!